you swallowed your barrette.
well. i'm about 85% sure that you swallowed your barrette, and 15% positive that it spontaneously combusted and disappeared into thin air. each situation (to ME) appears entirely plausible.
your hair is always in your eyes. it's so long that is just sort of stays there. you are only a year old and already at that awkward "growing out" phase of hairstyling. this will be the first of MANY times you will be in the awkward hair phase. i'm not too worried about that. i do, however, put a clip in your bangs to keep your hair out of your eyes because i am a nice person.
because you are MEAN person, you insist on pulling it right back out, handing it to me and announce that it is finished with a big fat "THERE!" : /
we go through this approximately 230498948573948-309 times a day. but. i will NOT relent! i have a point to prove to a toddler, i suppose. that I WILL get my way!
today, as we left the office for the day, i clipped it in your hair, grabbed your hand before it could pull the clip out, and gave it a playful ::smack:: and said "Nu-NO!" and you giggled and we got in the car and headed home. however, about....halfway home, i heard you cough in a really odd manner and then in the rearview mirror, i saw you projectile vomit onto your sweater. you had the STRANGEST expression on your face, and i immediately noticed the absence of your barrette.
oh.no.
i slammed my breaks, pulled onto the curb of the street to get out of traffic and nearly broke my leg clamoring out of the car with my 4" wedge booties wobbling on the curb. i climbed in the back and saw that your eyes were watering, you were red, and vomit was everywhere. but. no hair clip. no where. GONE. you were breathing fine, which was my first worry. i know that if someone is choking and they cough, that they aren't going to suffocate, so before i even pulled off the road i knew that was one good sign.
another good sign was that you weren't sliming. sliming is the technical term that doctors have given someone when an object is stuck in their esophagus and your body's natural tendency is to get it out. so...your body creates more saliva to wash it down. this makes you slobber profusely, but it also can have a bad effect if the object is BLOCKING your esophageal tube because it's an endless cycle of creating saliva to wash down the object while creating more "blockage" by just adding more spit on top of the object.
this makes a person gag and throw up.
you did none of this.
in fact. you just said "HI!" in your THICK texan accent (no clue where you got THAT ::ahem:: mom)
i kinda shrugged it off and thought that i would see the barrette when i got you out of your seat at home.
so i climbed out of the backseat, tripped again on the curb and got back on the road.
but you were acting...off.
you would just sit there. then start to SCREAM. and then smack your mouth, and pull at your bangs again.
this is CLEARLY what a chimpanzee trained in sign language would do if they were trying to say "hey mom. this kinda sucks. i swallowed a fancy piece of plastic coated pink polka dot metal and it kinda hurts"
so. i called your doctor.
first thing she said was to not panic. which i wasn't. you were breathing. you weren't sliming. so i wasn't only mildly concerned. but then she told me to take you to the ER.
WHAAAAAA?!?!?
the ER? this is BIG. there is blood. there are sick people. gunshot wounds. amputees. this is kinda scary.
DO NOT CALL CHRISTOPHER, KRISTA. DO NOT CALL CHRISTOPHER.
i made it to the children's urgent care center. still having not called your dad, because i am able to handle this emergency on my own....crap....i don't have his social security number....i have to call him.
once.
twice.
three times.
no answer.
so i text "this is an emergency" that shouldn't cause him too much alarm, right?
my phone rang immediately.
"WHAT'S WRONG?!?!?"
"well....don't panic....but.....i had to take jovie to the ER...."
"WHAT???!?!"
"i need your social security number"
"WHAT.HAPPENED?"
"she swallowed a barrette. she's breathing. it's ok. i just need your social"
needless to say. i think he was worried.
anyway. he just got home from work and wants to hear the story first hand...so i'll make the ending quick and with less exaggeration elaboration.
the doc came in, smiled and said "she's ok. do you want an X-ray?"
which would have been fun having an X-ray of your little tummy to document that little teeny barrette in your tummy, but....since it really didn't do any good to have it or not have it, save for the knowledge that YES, the barrette was swallowed or NO, the barrette was not swallowed it evaporated instead...
i chose to simply inspect your muddy diapers for the next 1 to 3 days looking for your barrette so that we can wash it off and put it right back in your hair again.
because...i still have that point to prove to you. that i WILL get my way!
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