get well soon

this morning you woke up uncharacteristically early. 7am. you usually wake up saying "um HI!" and play in your crib for a bit before daddy comes to get you some breakfast. today, though, you woke up squalling. it was a different kind of cry than what i am used to hearing from you. Usually your cries are just bratty and annoying. this one was pain filled.

you have this spot on your left hip bone that showed up two days ago. i've been doctoring it with that goopy junk, neosporin, but it hasn't seemed to get better. in fact, it was worse yesterday....red, irritated, hot to the touch, and the tiny spot had a ring of swelling and bright red around it about 3" in diameter. 

this morning when you woke up crying, we brought you into the bed with us and let you watch cartoons as we assessed the situation. you were VERY feverish. extremely hot to the touch. and you kept crying. i asked your dad about the spot when he changed your morning diaper. he said it was still really red. i couldn't help it. i had to check it. 

i know that it hurts you. you won't let me near it. you normally don't mind having your panties changed but as i took them off, you flipped out on me. and i know why. the red and swelling had grown to about 6" in diameter. you are so tiny that took up most of your hip and your tummy and some of your little girl-thing was even affected. 

at this point i knew it wasn't just a spot to not be concerned with. i was afraid it was a bug bite of some sort.  so i took you immediately to the doctor. 

 you are literally the happiest kid i have ever met, but you wouldn't know it by the trip to the doc today. you cried the entire time we were there. the nurses were shocked, too, because they know you (even though you haven't been there often, you are a memorable child...) and they know you don't really act like that ever. so you must be bad-off.

doctor barely even got a glance of your hip when i took off your diaper to show her and she said "ok we need to culture that, take bleach baths, and get her on antibiotics right now" and then hurried out the door before i even could process what she just said. 


i immediately envisioned you hating me for the rest of your life.  i will undoubtedly be the unlucky person having to administer said bleach baths, because no amount of begging or bribing or weeping and gnashing of teeth will convince your father to hurt you. then i quickly moved on to worrying about how many towels we would ruin along with my clothes and the bathroom rug. (though, i'll be honest... not all of my worries were particularly in that order....i like my clothes. and the bathroom rug is super old, so i don't mind letting it go, really....) 

the doctor came back in with a needle and a culture kit. 
the needle, which i will be referring to henceforth as The Needle was the size of....and i'm not even exaggerating, Jovie....angelhair pasta. i know. angel hair pasta is thin as far as pasta is concerned. but a freaking NEEDLE?!!?!?

i sang "the Noble Duke of York" your favorite song to you while she slammed The Needle into your hip and literally ripped it out of you to lance the skin. that's when the room went white and i wasn't entirely sure who was more angry and/or upset about all of this....you or me. 

i don't know what came out of the spot after that. i couldn't watch anymore, but if the size of the hole is any indication, it was probably a small animal. maybe a squirrel? ack. i have to stop thinking about this. 

moving on. 

she drew a line around the infected area with a permanent marker and dated your leg 3.21.12 and told me that if the redness goes out of the black line to call her immediately. to give you a bleach bath twice a day until this goes away, to wash it in surgical soap twice daily and to keep antibiotic ointment on it. if the spot closes and gets puss filled, guess what? we get to repeat this morning!!!! oh heaven. 

anyway. enough descriptions on this. it's ghastly to think about. but i will tell you that you are incredibly sick. you are normally extremely energetic, but today you have just laid on the couch. i created a pallet for you with my favorite pillow and my favorite blanket. got you snuggled with milk and your giraffe that you sleep with and we have watched cartoons most of the day. you won't really walk. if you do, you walk like an old woman or....how i walked for a week after giving birth to you. (i know...what's the difference in my walk after your birth and an old woman's? because it's surely not the age, right?) 

and i'm worried.
i am sad for you. 
there is a lump in my throat. 
you've had one cold so far in your lifetime and it didn't stop you from doing anything. 
but today. you just lay there. and i can't help you.
you are so feverish. 
you are so incredibly sick.
and i feel like this is my fault even though it's really yours. : /

and i swear to you, if you get worse, i will be SO MAD AT YOU. and you will be grounded, young lady. do you hear me?!?! GROUNDED. 

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