Stealing is a NO NO.

This letter isn't about you, entirely. You didn't do anything cool. you really ought to consider doing funny things more often so that i'd have something to write about. :)
Actually. i should say this: you do TONS of hilarious things, just...they aren't HUGE things that the general public would care much about. stuff like...your words for things, and how you pronounce some words, and some of your mannerisms. If i wrote to you about that, this blog would be a little overrun with short one-liner letters.

maybe you would enjoy that when you are older? only if i raise you to be narcissistic, which...i probably have, unfortunately.

But. this letter concerns you, but it's something that I did:

i stole your very first bicycle.

i didn't set out that day to steal it. i've actually never stolen anything before in my life. but the christmas you turned 2. i legitimately stole a bike from Wal-mart.

Here's what happened:

you, your daddy and i were driving home on Dec. 21st. we had been at nana and papaw's for the Carter Family Christmas, and I needed something from the pharmacy in Wal-mart. You and your daddy stayed in the car while i went in and after i got what i needed, i was headed to the check out and saw the CUSTEST little plastic tricycle for kids 2 and up and i thought "MY little girl NEEDS THIS.

i grabbed the box and went to the self check-out area to make my purchases.

i scanned the medicine (or whatever it was i bought. maybe nail polish?) and then i scanned the box with the trike. The barcode i used was invalid. but that was OK there were 3 more to choose from. so i tried the second and the third and then the fourth. all invalid and at this point, the register notified the clerk that i needed help with my item, so the fella that works at walmart came over and i said "i scanned the trike, but it didn't take"

the guy grunted a few syllables and said "ok. you are set now"

so i continued my checkout and got my receipt and left.

as we drove home, it dawned on me that my total was only 19 dollars when the trike alone was $25.

and the trike was NOT on the receipt!

!

!!!

oh dear.
my heart started racing and i got a little frazzled. i told c that i had just stolen this bike. i literally walked out of walmart with the thing in my hand and STOLE it.

and (i shouldn't tell you this...because you don't need to lose respect for me, or get any stupid ideas) it was EASY to do. as in. REALLY REALLY easy. SCARY EASY.

don't worry. I was able to reconcile the situation a few days later, but. it was too late. the damage had been done - albeit unknowingly - i am now a convict. a thief. a burglar. and it wasn't even my fault that i am a menace to society.

It's yours.